It’s cliche, but it’s also unfortunately common… a husband or wife who has determined that they’ve “fallen out of love” and is leaving their spouse. We’ve heard this story in some form or fashion many times from couples and from others who work in marriage ministry.
The problem with this line of thinking is, of course, that love should not be treated as an involuntary decision or something with which someone is stricken. We sense that most people have come to sincerely believe this line of thinking, that love befalls you and can suddenly lift up and move on to someone else, which is a fundamental misunderstanding of love itself.
Love isn’t a condition; it’s a commitment. Love is a choice, or more specifically, it’s a series of choices that live themselves out daily. Love simply boils down to a being committed to doing what’s best for someone else – to choose selflessness over selfishness. So when someone makes the decision to move on (0ften to someone other than their spouse), it may be liberating to think that it’s love’s doing, but that too is a choice.
Each of us should be on guard so as not to fall into this trap. While marriages have their great times and their tough times (which can unfortunately last for weeks, months, or even years), we should be cognizant of the covenant into which we’ve entered. Our wedding vows anticipate the low times, and the scripture that is often read in weddings point us to the epochal event of our faith – that God himself entered our world and redeemed us through his love, through Jesus sacrificing himself for us.
There are certainly times to leave a marriage, as in the case of domestic violence or marital infidelity, but there are also many marriages that start out healthy and slowly degrade. So when those down times hit and marriage becomes an incredible drag on what we view as our life’s full potential, we should remember what it means to love and then consider what choices we might make that, if chosen, God could use to develop what might be our true potential.
Love this post! I take seriously the commitment I made and work to love and honor my spouse. I’m always challenged by those who enter lightly into or out of love/marriage. Too many people continue to see it as a fairytale and/or solution to a problem…both of which are scary. Most of all, I’m thankful for a husband who works hard to honor his commitment to me each and every day!
I am so loving these posts…thank you SO MUCH! Totally agree! Totally true!
Denise Dykstra recently posted..Just Being Honest….
I love the line that love isn’t a condition – it’s a commitment. So true!
Melinda recently posted..Love is a Verb
sometimes a spouses ‘commitment’ or lack there of alters the feelings of love within another….and causes a feeling of ‘falling out of love’. sometmes you just don’t see eye to eye any longer on what love is and/or what it should be measured by. call it growing apart, falling out of love, irreconcilable differences, whatever. one person changes, the other doesn’t. I agree, love is a commitment by ‘both’ but sometimes one just refuses to change while the other evolves into the type of person they truly want to be and the other spouse refuses to get on board. It happens. I don’t think it’s necessarily anyone’s fault, as in due to lack of ‘commitment’. I have fallen out of love and tried everything to regain what I once had but it’s no use and just a matter of time before it’s over. I loved being ‘in love’, it’s the greatest feeling in the world and I feel I can have that again but not with my spouse so I have to soon let go. It’s going to be so difficult but I have to do it for me.