When you marry your spouse did anyone ever tell you that you marry their whole family? Well you probably figured that out the first time you met the in-laws. But this post isn’t about the in-laws per se, but about the concept of their family.

Growing up, my family use to fondue on Christmas Eve. It was one of my favorite traditions growing up and I was so excited to share it with Ryan when we were dating. He thought it was crazy. But he indulged me. It didn’t go well (I think we used the wrong oil) and we ended up with major stomach aches.

Ryan grew up with strong ties to his Polish heritage. I had honestly never had any experience with Polish traditions and food until our wedding shower where all his relatives made authentic dish after authentic dish. I even got a Polish cookbook.

Today in a crazed fit of spontaneity it would be fun to do something for Fat Tuesday with the kids. As I started to read about it, I saw that it is part of the Polish celebration to eat Paczki, a type of jelly filled doughnut). So I thought it would be fun to celebrate our family’s heritage by taking a crack at them.

You don’t have to make a super involved, complicated, pain in the backside recipe (ahem) to embrace your spouse’s traditions. But it is just another way to show your spouse you are paying attention and you care.

What traditions were important in your family? Have you and your spouse adopted any fun family traditions?

Okay friends, I know this is a marriage blog but stick with me for a few seconds while I talk about the greatest team in professional sports, the Detroit Red Wings (I have a point – I promise).

This year’s teams is one of the best I’ve seen and one of the guys I like the most on the team is Brad Stewart. Stewie  is a hard-hitting, big-hearted defenseman who is responsible with the puck and as a great shot from the point. But unfortunately, he’s almost certainly to be gone after this season… which is what brings me to my point.

Stewie has what is sometimes referred to as a “commuter marriage.” A commuter marriage is a marriage in which husband and wife live in separate places for reasons other than marital problems. Stewie’s family is in San Jose, and while I am a big fan of his, I hope for his sake and his family’s sake that he moves to a west coast team. As you can imagine, commuter marriages are common in hockey, a sport in which players are often traded between cities during a nine-month season. However, according to today’s article in USA Today (click here), commuter marriages have been on the rise across the U.S. over the past few years as people have been forced to take jobs away from their families.

Jill and I (you knew this was Ryan writing this, right?) have met several couples with commuter marriages and thanks to Skype and other mobile technologies, communication is easier than ever. Having said that, spending time away from a spouse still involves special challenges and risks. Specifically, people can take for granted the simple experiences that couples share – grocery shopping, talking about a television show, or doing chores around the house – that provide the glue for closeness. When couples lead separate lives (not only due to geographic separation, of course) those shared moments are lost, and each spouse should be highly-aware of any other person with whom these moments are shared and to whom they might be getting “glued.” At the very least, seeing the sacrifices that many couples must endure to make ends-meet is a reminder to all of us to soak in those little seemingly-meaningless activities and recognize them as important components of our lives together.

Do you know any commuter couples? If so, any lessons to be learned from them?

We had probably been married 9 months when we got asked to help out with a marriage retreat at the church we were attending at the time. Up until that point we had never considered helping out with marriage ministry. Partly because we were barely married. And partly because we had no idea what we were doing ourselves let alone helping others.

I mean we were doing fine outside of a bit of a rough first few months. Actually when I write it that way I see that in all actuality we had been doing fine for 50% of our marriage. Why on earth would someone want us in marriage ministry?

Over the years we have grown into “marriage ministry” and we both have developed a passion for helping others start off marriage on the right foot. The world’s view of marriage is such a skewed one and if we can help people reframe their marriage in a way that honors God and each other, well what better job is there?

But here is the thing. You don’t have to be teaching marriage classes at your church to be in marriage ministry. With 50% of marriages ending in divorce and an unknown percentage of other ones that aren’t happy, people want to know what makes a good marriage good. And they are watching yours.

Maybe you are saying you don’t have a good marriage let alone a great one. But if you are fighting for your marriage, seeking God in your marriage and trying your hardest to honor a spouse whether of not they deserve it, YOU are in ministry.

Whether you are in a great place or a not so great place, God has a way he wants you to run your marriage. And when people look at your great marriage and ask why it is so great, you can say “We are two messes of people who can only point to God as the reason we have the marriage we do.” And when people ask why you are sticking it out in a marriage that many would have thrown in the towel on you can say, “We know God has brought us together and that there is blessing on the other side of this trial is we are faithful to him.” That is what the monthly “My Marriage Survived” posts are all about.

Your coworkers who are struggling in their marriages are watching. Your friends who love their spouses but feel their marriages have lost their spark are watching. And your children who are basing their understanding of marriage on what they see are most definitely watching. So whether you know it or not you are in marriage ministry.

Is you marriage pointing people to God?

They way this man describes this love story is the way I hope someone describes ours::: A Brother And Sister Get Married (And Later, Their Son Tweets It)

This fits so well with our Valentine’s post from this week::: Real Married-With-Kids Romance

This story could be anyone’s story. Are you guarding your marriage?::: A Marriage Redeemed [Our Story]

Simple, but priceless advice::: Believing in His Goodness

This post is linked up to saturday stumbles at simply staci

You might recall that we participate in a blog series over the last few weeks to encourage you to take you marriage from find to fabulous. What you might not realize is that we worked with four other talented bloggers who shared their wisdom. I have always felt you can never get enough good advice when it comes to make your marriage better.

If you marriage is in a rut and you need help climbing out:

In a Rut? Spice It Up: Amy’s Finer Things

Getting Out of the Marriage Rut: A Thankful Heart

Been WAY too long since you had a date night?

Winter Dates: For Better and Worse

Making Time for Date Night- Once and For All: Parenting Miracles

Making Time For Date Nights: Blue Jeans and Cotton Tees

Want to keep your marriage sweet AND spicy?:

Sex Not Fit for TV– Keeping It Sweet & Spicy: For Better and Worse

Keeping it Sweet AND Spicy: Parenting Miracles

Maybe it is the little moments that make a marriage great:

Tuning In– Building Lasting Connections Through Little Moments: For Better and Worse

The Little Things: Blue Jeans and Cotton Tees

Cherishing the Small Moments: A Thankful Heart

Most importantly remember that Love Is A Verb:

Taking the Fall Out of Love: For Better and Worse

Love… is a Verb: Parenting Miracles

Love in Action: A Thankful Heart

Love is a Verb: Blue Jeans and Cotton Tees

I know that is a lot to take in, but there is a lot of great stuff in there. Good reading for Valentine’s week!

What was your favorite takeaway from the series?

It’s an election year, and Jill and I value your input. Today is Valentine’s Day and like us, you’ve likely been watching your FB and your Twitter streams blow up with V-day updates. You know, those ooey-gooey, snugly posts from spouses to one another… pics of chocolates, emotive superlatives, and even a few pet names (“I love you bunny-wunny!”). So what do you think about couples using social media to express love to each other…

#1 … a beautiful expression of love in the modern era! A testament to marital fidelity, modeling positive affirmation.

#2 … more syrupy than a plate of Denny’s flapjacks. Uncomfortably emotive expressions among spouses that are better shared  in the privacy of one’s love nest.

#3 … at least these posts are positive, unlike cousin Lucy airing her dirty laundry (literally) in the  infamous “if this jackass doesn’t put his underwear in the hamper” posts from Valentine’s Day ’09!

Cast your vote!

People seem to be in two camps for Valentine’s Day – dreading it, or looking forward to it immensely. Well, there may be the third option of complete indifference (which is really only a problem if you happen to be married to a “looking forward to it immensely” person, but let’s ignore them for a second).

Whether you dread it or look forward to it, Valentine’s Day always poses the same risk. It suffers from “New Years Eve Syndrome.” Do you know what we mean? No matter what is planned, the night never lives up to the huge expectations that people put on it. Dinner, chocolates, wine, flowers, sex… all are great things, but even combined, Valentine’s Day rarely lives up to its implied billing as “the most romantic day of the year.” So let’s change that billing.

From now on, consider how to avoid the trap of thinking about Valentine’s Day as THE romantic high-point of the year. Today, agree with your spouse that you’ll not get stressed over the logistics of the night or have monumental expectations that inevitably cause disappointment.

Ladies, expunge that Top Gun lovemaking scene from your mind – there’s no billowing curtains in your bedroom (unless you count unfolded laundry) and you didn’t marry a fighter pilot. And guys – yes, you should go buy a card or flowers or candy, but do so with the understanding that these are tools to express your appreciation for your spouse. Don’t make it about the purchase, but instead focus on expressing the appreciation, even if it’s just from your own mouth (you sound just like a Hallmark card, trust us).

So enjoy your Valentine’s Day, but avoid Valentine’s Day Syndrome. Recognize that it’s a commercial venture and the real goal isn’t to plan the single perfect evening, but to infuse romance and appreciation for one another into the other three-hundred and sixty-four days of the year.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

It’s nearly Valentine’s Day, you’ve already heard your spouse hint that he or she has gotten you something you’ll “absolutely love”, and nothing… NOTHING… is coming to mind. What will you do? WHAT WILL YOU DO?

Well, we’ll give you some perspective on that tomorrow, but in the meantime, if you must make a last-ditch dash to get a gift, click HERE and consider these options (and remember, “roaches are forever”).

We linked to this story a few weeks ago and I appreciate Family Life’s take on it::: Redefining the Vow

This is some simple but wonderful marriage advice with a cute printable to boot::: The Key to a Good Marriage

this post will be linked up to Saturday Stumbles at Simply Staci

Sooo… big plans this weekend? Nope, us neither. Kids activities, some exercise, and church. All good things, but not as exciting as what we’ve normally got going on during summer. Summer in West Michigan is like a smorgasbord of activities… outdoor concerts at the botanical gardens, festivals downtown, dining al fresca at local restaurants, trips to the beach and bbq’s with friends. However, the chill of winter mandates that only the most essential life functions (sledding/hibernating/eating bacon) are attended to until May.

Having said that, winter is the perfect season to be intentional about scheduling date nights.  What better time of year to schedule romantic dinners, movie nights, gallery showings, or other excursions to help you bond as a couple? There’s nothing else to do for goodness sakes, and every couple needs dates on the calendars to anticipate. So my friends, if Punxsutawney Phil has got you down, haul out the family calendar this weekend, fry up a pound of bacon, and schedule some date nights.